Pushed

I really hate when its going good, so good its perfect, and then you have to start with your feelings and push them to me. You like me, I get it, I like you too but I don’t need a push every time we touch. I’m not dumb, I know what’s going on, you don’t need to tell your girlfriends to ask me if I like you, man that’s so high school. I thought you were cool, mature for your age, but your running around like a school girl screaming my name. What the hell is going on? We’re friends but your acting like we’re married and I just committed adultery.

This is crazy, I know what I said, you can’t trap me by my own words. But your so obsess with the conversation that your playing chess with every word you saved. Well I’m not a pawn you push around forcing me to be your king. I’m not there yet, but now I don’t think I’ll ever be. I don’t rush when it comes to love but every chance you get you push me to the edge forcing me to talk. 

There are things you just don’t talk about because the tittles are much more scarier than the actual thing itself. But your so desperate to be in a relationship that your willing to ruin a friendship just to see if there is more than friendship there. Whatever happened to not knowing, serendipity, letting things happen on their own. I really hate that you tormented me by my own words, trapped me in a corner, and then pushed me over the edge.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

The nook

I had a dream where
All the trees were dead
And all the leafs were
In frames on the wall

I had a dream where
All the photos were hanging
On trees and me and you were
Looking for the perfect scene

I had a dream where
I got lost and I couldn’t find
My way so I looked for your
Photo but it didn’t exist

I had a dream where
You couldn’t sleep and you
Tossed and turned all night
Calling out my name

I had a dream where
It rained all day and all night
But it didn’t rain under
The tree I was under

I had a dream where
You wanted to cuddle but
You were in bed with another
And you felt uncomfortable

I had a dream where
I was reading a romance
And I read “he held her all
Night as they laid in the nook”

I had a dream of the perfect
Place where we could lay and I
Made it reality but you are still a dream
and so I dream in the place where I wait,
The nook

A scary fall

I ran.
I ran passed my high school,
I ran through a college,
came out with a degree,
and kept running
to the university of dreams.

The road grew steep,
the air got tense,
and my legs got weak.
Suddenly I stumbled
to the ground
and for a split second
I was down.

My hands were scrapped,
my legs were sore,
and my heart was torn.
I saw my name
on a gravestone
with a timeline
of everything I did
before I died.

I failed at college,
I failed at love,
and I failed at life.
So much pain
I wanted to cry
but then I realized
I was back alive.

The world was watching
as I laid on the ground
bleeding in dust.
I could hear the laughs
so loud and clear
like dogs barking
in your ear.

I fell.
Physically.
Mentally.
And eventually everything
would be on the ground.
And when you look
at your wounds
they look really bad,
almost makes you think
your dead.
But its just a scary fall.
I got right back up
and kept running.

Heads or Tails!?!?

I guess you could say there is two sides, the sweet nice face that smiles back at you, and the long black tail that lashes out. No one can never really know what to expect, everyone has two sides to them and like a coin there is always a head and a tail. But its not a double face, everyone has ups and downs, and right now I might not come around.

I've been mad lately and its easier for you to flip a coin than telling me what's going on because if it's tails then that means war and you rather avoid me overall than dealing with a raging boy. But I'm not a fucking coin, you can't flip me back and forth every time I'm mad. Now tell me, is it heads or tails today? Your so worried about what your going to get, if I'm happy, if he's still angry, if I don't say hello first your going to update your phone. I'm sorry to say its tails today.

My day will rage on, yours won't involve me at all, and I will wait all fucking day just to hear you say it was easier to update your webpage than telling me you were sick. Well I'm fucking sick! So sick of you thinking I'm pissed off when I'm not! But your mind is set, I'm a fucking maniac and your a saint. I guess you could say there is two sides, the person standing in front of the mirror, and the person in the reflection.

Fairytale neighborhood

Dearly beloved fairytale neighborhood, I think I’m ready to leave, I think I’m ready to fly, I think I’m ready to die and leave this world behind. Oh so many don’t know the tragic lies that have been told like happily ever after in a magical world, but to tell you the truth it’s just not true. Here in my neighborhood happy doesn’t exist, not even in your dreams, not even in your hopes for a future, or in your wildest wish, it just can’t come true, not in my fairytale neighborhood. You see, I’ve seen all the wives miserable inside, all the husbands cheating and lies, despite the magic they still want more. We have castles instead of houses, carriages instead of cars, and we have royalty instead of family. But it’s just not enough for my fairytale neighborhood.

 

Somehow every character has a flaw like Sleeping Beauty sleeping with every guy that kisses her. What happened to her prince that married her? Divorced because she just kept sleeping around, I guess she just couldn’t help it, she is the queen of going down. Let’s not forget about Arial who sells her soul to sleep with boys. Oh everyone thinks mermaids are so rare but here their like sushi, they will never fill you up, not even after a dozen, they just don’t phase your heart. But the biggest flaw of all is my ex-girlfriend Jasmine, who I gave my heart, but she rather sleep with Jafar. Here all the good girls are sluts, the villains rule the world, and I have to live every day in this fairytale neighborhood. 

Yeah my brothers got a keeper but she’s a sea witch that’s slowly manipulating him to do her evil bidding, like Cruella Deville keeps running over my dogs, and the old lady from next door keeps leaving poison apples on my porch. I’m so sick of this fairytale neighborhood where I have to pretend everything is fine, where I have to smile in pictures, and wear nice suits when I dine. It’s all just phony, this world is bologna, and their all just trying to be something they’re not. I’ll leave my throne, I’ll leave my magic, I’ll leave my heart, I’ll leave it all to leave this fairytale behind. Dear fairytale neighborhood, fuck you for leading me to believe you were real!

Helpless Tonight

I am falling into a motionless state of mind, every finger typing to word my very last bit of hope is just getting weak, and my eyes flutter as darkness surrounds my thoughts. I got bitterness on the tip of my tongue that’s making my words sour but I swear it’s not my intention be so rude with imprudent remarks. I’m on strings tonight dangling off your wisdom in a dizzy unseen mess with intellectual cords that got me hung up on your words. I’m just a boy hanging there, in midair, floating at ease, yet with torture pains wrapping around my neck got me suffocating for help. Just be a dear and take my pain, fake it with my name, to be forever in debt to your fate. 

Silently vile vomit splats to the floor, I’m so sick to the core, I’m just tired of being sore from the tides of laboring works. The waves won’t stop and like a sinking ship I’m going down to the ocean floor, so slow, so effortless, so plain it spots like blood on white sheets to a new born whore. I’m speechless now, wanting out of this coffin I dug myself in, bombarded with bombs exploding with headaches just makes me want to pull the trigger of my brain. It’s like screeching long nails scratching down on a blackboard, sinking so deep into my thoughts, forcing me deeper and deeper into the ground. 

I’m buried under six feet of nightmares so heavy I can’t even move an inch to scratch an itch so ferociously irritating it’s got my skin rotting off like ants swarming to a carcass. The stench of this disguising mood is so far up the moon that I’m howling like a wolf so violently trying to survive the night. With every bite I take there is a knife slicing pieces of my insides like cold cuts of meat I’m just stacking up my organs for the monster inside to eat. I’m running out of energy, out of light, out of fight to continue with this life, I’m crippling down so fragile like glass I break with just one touch, I turn to dust.

Life after death

(The Clash of Friendship Part III)

Just a year ago we clashed, we crashed into the ground, smashing into every tree branch on the way down. It was a fatal crash for no one survived, we all died, moving on into different lives. It was horrific the pain, the game you played, the way you tore me to pieces in just one day. But it’s all over now, the anger, the hate, and the violence all went to shame. Life after death is so much calm just like we used to be when you were young. I know your spirit still lingers here, your voice still whispers my name, but please don’t call because we both know we’ll fall apart. We are living separate lives in different worlds and if they ever intertwine we might just decline into deeper masses of hate crime.

I know you moved on into a better life that is healthier than mine. I can feel the change in your heart, I know you’ve gone to a better place now, somewhere in the light you are shining through but I’m still in the dark. In my new life I am a little bit colder, a little bit darker, and a little bit deadlier. Just promise me you’ll never come back, I promised you I’d never hurt you, but you hurt me instead and now I’m a monster. Life after death isn’t always happy, not everyone goes to heaven, some people go to hell, now I’m burning. Maybe in another life we could’ve been more than just friends but in this life we’ve already ended. 

You’ve burned the bridge to my heart, it’s why we fell apart, now you can’t come back and play the girlfriend part. The friendship is dead, you can’t fix it with words, a broken heart can only be filled with distractions but deep down the pain is still there. I know you still trying to resuscitate, but I don’t want you to precipitate in my life, it’s time for you to let go. You can’t hold on forever, not even in the afterlife, you’ve got to release my ghost that’s haunting you. Just a year ago we were fine, now we’re dead, and life after death… let’s just give it a rest.